Just Me

I'm struggling. There. I said it. 

I've always been restless, as a person. Can't stay still too long, never 

relaxed. More than that, don't want to be. It's just who I am. And I move from one thing to the next constantly.
Passion always comes very easily to me - I can LOVE something within a few seconds of seeing/hearing/knowing it. It's not that I'm fickle - I'm just addicted to inspiration. I'm not ever short of ways to express myself. Again, just me.

I think that's why I am so drawn to quiet, still people.

 Iansy, for example, is the most calm, laid back man I know.
So much so he's more bear than man, but that's another story. He's definitely the water to my fire, as my friend

JoAnne would say!  

It must take a lot of patience to love me...

Unfortunately, I'm now a 23 year old woman, and being jittery is just not grown up. 

So. To sum up as it were...I am trying to restrict myself to a set of realistic goals for the next year, rather than the insanely spiralling list of needs and wants which is constantly rolling around my brain in giant circles, making real focus and achievements elusive. I'm far too stubbourn for this. 

Time to take control. 

#1 Per La Famiglia

I'm a wee bit Italian, so that's not nearly as pretentious as it sounds. 

Basically I want to do better with my family. It's large and wonderful and I'm very lucky.
Three brothers, all married, three nephews, maw and paw, not including my lovely in-laws, Paw Jokey Preston and sister bear Amy.
Recently, I learned not to take people for granted in the harshest way when Ian's mum died suddenly. 

Last week I nearly lost my dad to a lifelong and declining illness (CADASIL Syndrome) when he had a series of violent seizures at my brother's house.
My dad lives alone, and if he had been at home at the time, he probably would have died.

He's still in hospital, and ashamedly I spend more time with him and make far more effort while he's hospitalised, which is getting more frequent with each year.

As well as taking more to do with my dad's illness (getting involved with his care plans and trying to make his life not a constant stream of hospital visits ) I want to be less selfish and make more time for others in general, because I've realised it's actually what makes me happiest. I don't want any regrets. I want to be a better daughter, sister, aunty and eventually, wife.

#2. Learn to Save Money

Sounds simple, but I really find this difficult - not the best, considering I am self-employed, contributing to a home, and saving for a wedding in 2013.
As a freelancer, my 'pay' isn't regular, and I use that as an excuse to not having a money plan.
No more!
I'm earning real money with a job I love doing for the first time in my life, so no better time to start as I mean to go on for the rest of my career.
I have dependants now, after all. But more of that later...

#3 Learn to Crochet

     

A fairly recent idea, but one I'd really like to follow through with!
Although it's not top of the priority heap, I would like to make a start in time for the new year's set of birthdays. I've seen some really funky designs and ideas, and have started following a few relevant blogs to get ideas.
I'm a complete beginner, though my Nonna taught me to knit when I was a little girl...
Have enlisted the help of bestie to be a beginner with me.
Will need much help - challenge accepted!

#4 Wax On, Wax Off...

Find a martial arts class to do with Iansy.

Actually his idea! 

Borne from the fact that our busy lifestyles don't leave very much time for each other, and we are both exorcise junkies. We plan to find a local class which won't break the bank, is easy to get to, and most importantly, is something we can do together.

I'm excited about this! 

Will be nice to get back to a good exorcise routine, and always nice to having something new in common with the Bear.

Hmm...is it ethical to teach a bear to fight?

#5 Dream Wedding

At the bottom of the list only because I actually have 2 years to get this sorted.

Our wedding at Cornhill House Hotel is booked for July 2013 - and actually we have a lot of stuff organised! 

Or wedding band, Little Red, is booked (just in the nick of time, too, as they were asked to play the same date the day after we booked!) 

We have decided on a Humanist ceremony - 2 of my brothers have had this kind of wedding, plus one of my aunties, and I just believe them to be the sweetest, most personal and romantic ceremonies. 

We are not religious, and won't be getting married in a church so I think this is the best option.

I have asked my lovely and talented friend Olivia to make my dress for me and I already have a few ideas for  the design, though I have been told to try some styles on first to see what will really suit me. 

Gemmaleen is also going to making all jewellery and embellishments for the wedding party, and my wee maw is making me  a veil. 

Love being surrounded by such talented folk! 

Stay tuned!

Ayden, Gemmaleen, myself and Amy bear at Cornhill House. Going to take some seriously hideous dresses to hide all this sexy!

My three gorgeous bridesmaids are already being prepped for all the responsibilities of the big day! I have my life long bestie, Gemma, my wonderful friend Ayden (uni friend and now much loved colleague) and Ian's lovely sister, Amy to help me trip and giggle down the isle.

 Well...my work is cut out for me, really. 

No more time wasting :) There's just no need. 

Peace out, lovelies!

Xx

"Words come easy when they're true." - Take That

Life Goes On...

How to begin?

I started blogging seriously about 8 months ago, and fell in love with it. My wee blog 'Drybrushed, With Love' was a loving dedication to my study of scenic art and my daft life with my boyfriend in our first flat.

Sporadically but enthusiastically I documented dinners, hamsters, paint stains, graduation and, eventually, our engagement. There was no theme, no big idea - I like to talk about my life and the good things in it. And then life wasn't so good. Life was no longer worth documenting or commenting on, because it had changed.

Ian's mother died very suddenly of a heart attack on Saturday the 5th of August. We rushed to hospital after being told she had collapsed. When we arrived, ushered into a small room we were told she had died. Just like that, no warnings, no history, no goodbye, just gone. And life changed forever.

My fiance is an incredible person, his strength is more than admirable, it's awe inspiring. I've been so proud to stand by his side throughout this hard time, my flimsy shoulders have been soggy and shaky - but I can tell you there's no person I'd rather have at my side if something were to happen to me. 

Several times since that day I have went to my little blog and tried to post, but every single time the sadness overwhelmes me and I can't. Because that post is the last real thing I have of her.

'Just Say Yes' was about our engagement party. I tried my best to put into words what you feel when your entire life is ahead of you and you're holding the hand of somebody you love. Those photos and words are from a different life, a different time, a different Luisa. The post has the last family photo Diane will ever be in, I never knew how precious things can suddenly become.

And a few days after I put it up, Diane text me. She had seen the page, had loved it. She told me I was her 'clever wee future daughter in law' and I said 'thanks maw Preston'. It's the last thing I have of her and I can't ever change it. I want that blog to remain in that time, that life that doesn't belong to us anymore, when people were invincible and truly bad things didn't happen and I was safe.

So, all that sadness later, here I am. I don't want to stop blogging. Knowing nothing will ever be the same, I want to try to pick up the pieces and start again. This is my attempt. 

I'm 23 years old, I work freelance for Film and TV as art department/scenic artist, I'm getting married to an amazing man in 2013 and I'm looking forward to and dreading Christmas this year. 

Bare with me. Let's see how this goes. 

Luisa 

Xx

"I'm not angry, I'm just saying...Sometimes goodbye is a second chance,"

- Shinedown